Confession of a Skinny Wannabe – Being Fat in Indonesia

I must confess, after I wrote about anorexia and bulimia in Indonesia because I’m watching Supersize vs Super skinny (season 1 to 6 right now), I have story about dieting regime that I’ve been doing and done.

I’m getting married this year, and since this January I was alarmed by my fiancée about I’m gaining weight lately (maybe since New Year I’ve been gaining some kilos/pounds/stones). I’m maintaining my health and body weight with restricting soda, junk food, chocolate, chips, and ice cream or any kind of heavy MSG snacks. When my fiancée said if I keep gaining weight, I might not fit into my wedding dress, its scares me very much. For many girls big day, I believe they want to be look like the Queen of the day instead of being big whale for the rest of her life, so do I.

Actually I must confess, I have up and down situation with eating disorder (ED), it might be only on my mind because I use to be obese.

Since toddler I was very big, my weight is above the average, my eating habit is uncontrolled, and nobody really cares about how big I am.  Even in my 14^th I don’t even cares about boys, usually in that age you might be in swing mood on to those boys right? There’s must be one or two handsome and cool upper classmate or your classmate which you like. That’s make teen girls are aware about body images and appearances.

I was lacked of awareness about keeping my body images in good and healthy weight, it’s continued to High School. My height is 5.2 ft (158.5 cm) is a bit above average South East Asian woman, and I used to weigh 143.3 lbs (65 kg or 10.2 stones). It’s downright obese, I was looked very chubby, and my arm was same size as one of the girl’s leg in my class.

If you find it weird, well, in South East Asia, which we’re having smaller body frame and smaller BMI, having weight over 132.3 lbs (60kg) is considered as heavy/big/obese for women especially. The preferable maximum weight for women in South East Asia is about 110 lbs (50kg/7.8 stone), because the average height is 5 ft (155 cm). The weight around 110-121 lbs (50-55 kg) is considered as curvy chubby body, so above that you’ll be called fatty, pig, or worse  is being called elephant.

The very awkward moment is my first time dated a boy in my class, and I was unconsciously dropped 11 lbs (5 kg). After I broke up with him, my weight is dropped again from 132.3 (58kg) to 119 lbs (54kg/8.5 stones), and again it’s unconsciously done, so I didn’t even thought about diet. At that time I realized that I didn’t drink soda and no snacking, I ate half portion without consciously know about it. So the total I lost was 24.3 lbs (11 kg/almost 2 stones).

One of my friends was acknowledged my weight lost, and asked me how, but I didn’t get it either at that time. After I realized my weight lost I think that time I’m aware about going to diet, but I never reached below 119 lbs. It’s been up and down yoyo dieting and the weight is between 119-132 lbs, urgh... I was even on extreme fitness routine for 3 months but nothing really changed my weight even I had toner abs and thinner waist though.

In back years of my activity in university, having skinny and beautiful friends, and unhealthy relationship with my last ex-boyfriend, made me being extreme on diet too. My friend once told me, my meal was really freaky, ridiculous, and very little. I’ve had 3-4 times a week focusing on 2 hours in aerobic session, only eat small portion and always counting calories intake. Sadly, yea… I’ve binged and purged phase, also abusing laxatives and diet pills when I think I needed it.

I don’t remember much about that depressing time, but I do remember my first time I weigh 111 lbs (50.5 kg/7.9 stones) aaaannd…. My first collapsed. It’s true I’ve blacked out, bumped my back head, and don’t know why I was collapsed. I don’t remember if at that time I wasn’t ate anything or ate everything, maybe depression was eaten my weight.

After a year, with balance life time, I’m gaining weight again back to 119 lbs, having new boyfriend (now he is my fiancée.), and job’s good. Everything is good actually… But the past sometime bulking up upon me about weight, whenever I feel over eating, I’ll drink laxatives to suppressed my guilt from over eating.

Somewhat getting married things made me felt ugly and so bloated... It’s almost April, around that month I’ve scheduled our pre-wedding video and photos. Oh yeah, it’s very common in South East Asia to have pre-wedding video and photos, even these are become a tradition for couple to do before married.  The video is one in a life time, and gonna be show off in wedding reception where people we’re invited will be going to watch it. Don’t you want to look gorgeous in your own pre-wedding video? YES!! I desperately want it to be memorable and definitely don’t want it going to be regrettable.

Right now I want to go back to 111 lbs or better to go less than that, but I can’t do it with healthy diet or maybe I can but don’t know how to. I’m keeping at 1000 calories intake a day and training my abs, thighs, and back arms (thighs and back arms need to be tone up because the effects of obesity).

My body measurements are not normal. My bust is wider than my hips, what’s with that??  It’s only 4 cm differences but still not normal to me… In US I’ll be size 6-8 (depend on the clothing brands), in Devil Wears Prada its fatty size!

I need to lose weight and tone my body immediately… Wish me luck! The target is 111lbs before April!

My Little Kimmy 3 ~ Secret Snacking

Yea... That's Kimmy :)

Indonesian Women and Anorexia-Bulimia Nervosa 1

Happy New Year!

Hi,it's been along time since I last wrote my blog, I was in the middle of vacation of Christmas and New Year :)

I believe everyone of us have new year resolution, and I hope for the best of accomplish the resolution you have made :)

Why do I suddenly thinking about Anorexia and Bulimia Nervosa? I don't intend to encourage people to be anorexia/bulimia, but actually it's because recently I've been watching the UK reality show titled : Super Size Versus Super Skinny.

This show might have been years showing and still ongoing, you might check www.chanel4.com or search on YT about it. As far as I know they already filming to season 6.

Amazing about how culture made women and men to do such strict diet to loose and stay skinny, where the beauty was cost death. Maybe in US or UK being skinny is pretty beautiful. This kind of context is different between West and East, especially South East Asia.

In South East Asia, being pretty or beautiful means the brighter, whiter, flawless skin look and body. So many whitening product sells like candies, name any price there's still a lot of women in South East Asia will be eager to buy it.

In Indonesia, anorexia/bulimia cases is very rare almost none, but I'm not saying there's none. In my opinion, a lot of people here have better thinking of being healthy might be not the priority, but can eat everyday is a bless. I must say, more than a half population in Indonesia are economically so low. So to these people being in restricted diet only making them starving even more.

But are there fat and big people in Indonesia? Yes. The fact is, they're increasing. How come? Like I told you before, more than half population maybe in economically so low, but the rest are in vary economic condition. They can afford better meal, even junk food or fast food which is considered cheap in Indonesia.

In my early elementary school, I remembered first time I was gone to Mc.Donald. The first time I taste good apple pie. Sadly 20 years later I barely see apple pie on the menu and many menus pops up. You might surprise, in Indonesia Mc.Donald isn't only sells burgers, they sells package menu consist of rice, eggs, fried chicken, and cola. I'm aware why these happening, because almost all Indonesian people main carbohydrate is white rice, like in China, Japan, or Korea. Many says if we don't eat rice it's feels like doesn't eat.

Don't you see what's wrong in here? Despite of eating regular menu 1 piece fried chicken, cola, and fried fries. We exchange fried fries with white rice or ADDING a cup of white rice, because in Indonesia fried fries is considered as a snack. How about dessert? Yea, adding a sundae ice cream or ice cream cone there.

White rice is a must in many junk food and fast food restaurant in Indonesia. KFC is one the biggest and the first junk food outlet in Indonesia. Right now they have "Super Besar" menu, you can choose menu 1 or 2 (1 fried chicken or 2 fried chicken, 1 white rice, 1 big cola). To make it more worse, chili sauce in Indonesia is very mild spicy taste, a lot of people I see, they like to ask 1 more empty plate and fill it with lots and lots of chili sauce or ketchup. Are they finished it? *the sauces* YES!

So after a decade, the number of overweight people especially children right now is multiplying fast. Never heard of anorexia or bulimia cases.... hmm... but healthy life and loosing weight is one of major thing that's going on trend in Indonesia right now.

What can relate to loosing weight in Indonesia? FASHION! Yeaa...right...
in South East Asia, we have this kind of clothes which has free size on it's size. Free size doesn't mean all Indonesian girls can put those tiny clothes on! Free size means only one size, if you bigger you'll make it looks like baby clothes, but if you skinny it'll looks good on you. Maybe this kind of trend was from Korean clothing section, or Korean looks clothing made in China.

I'm afraid the anorexia/bulimia problem might not a threat right now, but low self esteem and how giving appraisement about appearances will makes different results of eating behavior in here.